I Stand in Awe of my Body
Hey queens! Hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving! Sorry for being so MIA lately, things have been hectic with my day job and working different campaigns I've barely had time to blog. But I sure have missed it! You can always follow along with me on Instagram as I post there more frequently.
I wanted to write about something that's been on my mind for awhile now, I just wasn't sure how I wanted to approach it but I think the best thing is to just sit and write and see what flows.
I want to talk about the guilt I've been feeling about being happy with my body. Society says you can't be 5'2 and be over 150lbs. I say screw that because I am. 2 years ago I lost 45lbs, I was skinny and I felt great about my body but was displaying signs of anorexia. I was doing nightly body checks, taking pictures of my self laying down to make sure you can still see my hip bones, collar bones, rib cage. I was obsessing over the number on the scale, the calories and fat on the box, starving myself from any form of indulgence of food happiness. I realized how exhausting this was after 8 months and that was about the same time I was put on anti depressants, which make you gain weight. So lo and behold I've gained all the weight back. But I'm happy with how curvy and thick I am. So why do I feel guilty about it?
Should I not feel proud about being happy with my body?
The problem is that most people are going to agree that I need to lose some weight and that they wouldn't be happy having my body. Everyone talks about feeling guilty when they're unhappy with their body or being happy with their body when they finally reach their goal. For me it's more than that, I'm happy I've finally reached my goal of being happy with my body and weight. I'm working towards feeling less guilt and feeling more proud. Women's bodies do incredible things, and we shouldn't feel guilty no matter the size but instead say thank you for all it has done for us.